According to a study, these are four funniest jokes ever

A woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?" The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: "Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight.


A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."


Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars and tell me, what do you see?"
Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars."
Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life."
And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."


Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"

lol

dave wanted to have sex with a girl in his office,
but she belonged to someone else...

One day, dave got so frustrated that he went up to
her and said, "I'll give you a £100 if you let me
shag you" - But the girl said NO.

dave said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on
the floor, You bend down, And I'll be finished by the
time you pick it up"

She thought for a moment and said that she would have
to consult her boyfriend... So she called her
boyfriend and told him the story.

Her boyfriend says, 'Ask him for £200, pick up the
money very fast, He won't even be able to get his
pants down.'

So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour
goes by, And the boyfriend is waiting for his
girlfriend to call.

Finally, after 45 minutes, The boyfriend calls her back
and asks what happened.

She responded, 'The b******d used coins!'

a British man, a French man a young woman and an old woman are sitting in a train, they go under a tunnel and all they can hear is a big smacking sound when they get out of the tunnel the French man has a massive red mark of his face, the old woman thinks that he tried to touch up the young woman and she smacked him, the young woman thinks he tried to touch her up and got the old woman by mistake so the old woman smacked him, the French man thinks that the English man tried to touch up the young woman and she smacked him by mistake, and the English man thinks. I hope there's another tunnel soon.

Question- What is the practical definition of globalization?
Answer- Princess Diana's death.
Question- How come?
Answer- An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend, crashes in a french tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, followed closely by a Italian Paparazzi on a Japanese motorcycle, treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines.
This is sent to you by an Indian using Bill Gates' technology and you are reading this probably on your computer, that uses Taiwanese chips, and a Korean monitor, assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant, transported by Indian lorry-drivers, hijacked by Indonesians, unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen and trucked to you by Mexican illegals.....
THAT...MY FRIENDS IS GLOBALIZATION....

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Thomas Friedman Says (Foreign Affairs Columnist):
'When we were young kids growing up in America, we were told to eat our vegetables at dinner and not leave them.
Mothers said, think of the starving children in India and finish the dinner.'
And now I tell my children:
'Finish your homework. Think of the children in India Who would make you starve, if you don't.'?"

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An American, a Cuban, a Scotsman and an Indian Computer Programmer, were on a cruise ship. As they were standing on the open deck, watching the waves and chatting, each one started showing off. The Cuban took out a expensive Cuban cigar, lit it, took just one puff and tossed it into the sea. The other guy's were flabbergasted They asked him why he had to throw away such an expensive thing. The Cuban replied, "Where I come from, we have plenty of these. So, it is no big deal". Not to be outdone, the Scotsman pulled out a new bottle of expensive scotch whisky, opened it, took just one sip and threw the bottle into the sea. He simply looked at the others and said "It is no big deal! We have plenty of that stuff where I come from". The American just grabbed the Indian Programmer and threw him into the sea...

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The funniest joke was the one where all the people who heard the joke and the person who told it died instantly...because they could not control their laughter.

ROFLMAO

only the last 2 jokes were funnny

i love this image

Great image, Pliped. It's great!

Honestly, are they any good jokes?

a man walks into a bar

ouch

two men walk into a bar the third one ducks

729 blonde men walk into a building

you thought one of them would of seen it

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bar jokes are my best

A fish is swimming and drowns.
A snail is moving and brakes.
Two people are walking down an alley and the one in the middle falls over.

-STAR WARS Jokes-

You guys know the game called "Yo mamma Fight"? (You have to make jokes about the other person's mother, ok? The first one who reaches three wins.) Well, this is between Emperor Palpatine and Luke Skywalker.

(Scene in the Death Star, Episode VI)

L.S: Your overconfidence is your weakness.
E.P: Your faith in your friends is yours
L.S: (Sotto voice) Hm, faith in your mamma.
E.P: What was that??
L.S: I said your mamma's so fat, that Jabba the Hutt said YEAAAOHH!!
E.P: Well your mother is so ugly, she put the "ug" in Ugnaught!
Darth Vader: All!! Yo Mamma Fight!

(Small Pause)

L.S: Your mother's so stupid, she spent all day saying: Am not Tar-TOO!! (Huge laughter) (1-0)
E.P: Your mother's so fat that Ben Kenobi said: That's no moon, that's your mamma!! (Big laughter) (1-1)
L.S: Your mamma is so dumb she thought JarJar comes with PicklesPickles!! (Big laughter) (2-1)
E.P: Your mother is so stupid she.. she thinks a lightsaber has fewer callories!! (Nobody laughs) It's light. Like light. Like light means there's not a lot of callories and it's good... for your body. That's how stupid your mother is. (2-1)
L.S: Your mamma is soo stupid she went to Bangkok to get a TIE-Fighter!! (Monster laughter) (3-1)

Public: Luke wins!!

(Darth Vader picks the Emperor up and throws him into the power hole)

(If you want the whole thing download Robot Chicken: Star Wars)

Voronwe wrote:A fish is swimming and drowns.
A snail is moving and brakes.
Two people are walking down an alley and the one in the middle falls over.

LOL